IPB

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

> Uzmanību!

Foruma sadaļā "Offtopic" posti netiek skaitīti.

12 Pages V  1 2 3 > »   
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Vispaar labaakie jocinji... Taa luuk!, gan kaadam ir kaut kur kaadi.
Tador
post Nov 14 2004, 21:33
Post #1


Hakushaku
******

Group: Kaigan Valde
Posts: 699
Joined: 20-October 04




There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Rob_X
post Nov 15 2004, 00:45
Post #2


Shishaku
*****

Group: Chuunin
Posts: 491
Joined: 16-February 04
From: Riga




laugh.gif good one ^^^
here's mine:
Buy Windows98 and make your restarts faster!!!
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Rob_X
post Nov 15 2004, 00:51
Post #3


Shishaku
*****

Group: Chuunin
Posts: 491
Joined: 16-February 04
From: Riga




WINDOWS -- Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

PENTIUM -- Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

IBM -- I Blame Microsoft

DOS -- Defective Operating System

BILL GATES --Became Insanely Lucrative Lunatic, Gains Assloads of Tokens Exporting Shitware

laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Rob_X
post Nov 15 2004, 00:59
Post #4


Shishaku
*****

Group: Chuunin
Posts: 491
Joined: 16-February 04
From: Riga




10 signs the new Mir computer is running Windows 95:
# 10 The computer keeps asking you to "Insert Setup Disk #3 to continue."

#9 There is no space left on the hard drive to store mission data.

#8 The computer refuses to interact with the Mir's "Mr. Java" coffee maker.

#7 Millions of dollars are traced to phone calls to a Redmond, WA 900#.

#6 Mir astronauts are caught stealing RAM from other satellite's computers to keep their system running.
#5 The Space Shuttle can no longer dock with Mir since "the proper driver cannot be found."

#4 The system locks up whenever the astronauts try to run life support, the solar panels and thrusters at the same time.

#3 The astronauts spend three days looking for cyrillic version of the CTRL-ALT-DEL keys.

#2 Alien ships secretly observing Mir flee in terror.

And the number one sign the new Mir computer is running Windows 95....

#1 You start receiving welcoming e-mail from the Borg.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
edg
post Nov 15 2004, 12:48
Post #5


limpene grauž aknas
**********

Group: Jounin
Posts: 2899
Joined: 17-February 04
From: PM




Par DOS runaajot, pats Microsoft (nezinu vai tieshi no Geitsa shii ideja) vinju par DOS nosauca kaa saiisinaajumu no "Dirty Operating System". Taa kaa, Microsoft jau zina, ka suudus razho, bet kaa nerazhosi, ja cilveeki par to naudu maksaa? smile.gif


--------------------
Mani posti top, jo tev dziivee truukst, ko lasiit! Es glaabju pasauli, piedaavaajot tai lasaamvielu! Kvalitaate, shvalitaate.
Disclaimer: Viss manis teiktais ir apshaubaams manis pasha no gaisa uzpuusts un uz punjkjiem balstiits viedoklis.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Tador
post Nov 15 2004, 14:23
Post #6


Hakushaku
******

Group: Kaigan Valde
Posts: 699
Joined: 20-October 04




A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium." Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Hikaru
post Nov 15 2004, 17:50
Post #7


Tennou
*********

Group: Chuunin
Posts: 1427
Joined: 25-October 04
From: Latvia




image

Darba apstākļi:
image
image

Spēks un daile:
image

Luksofori Japānā:
image

Fast Fix Servise:
image

Nothing personal, just buisiness:
image

Radars are everywhere:
image

image




User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Seven_of_zero
post Nov 24 2004, 16:59
Post #8


Hakushaku
******

Group: Chuunin
Posts: 826
Joined: 30-March 04
From: Riga




Sis joks gan būs saprotams tiem kuri ir skatijusies Star trek.

Star Trek: Microsoft vs The Borg



(A "Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript)
Picard- "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"

Geordi- "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

Riker looks puzzled. "What the hell is `Microsoft'?"

Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called `Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."

Picard- "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

Data- "Yes, Captain. But when `Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an `upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."

Picard- "Excellent work. This is even better than that `unsolvable geometric shape' idea."

. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .

Data- "Captain, we have successfully installed the `Windows' in the Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of the expected `upgrade'."

Geordi- "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity, but we still have no indication of an `upgrade' to compensate for their increase."

Picard- "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is something we have missed."

Data- "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the `upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards."

Riker- "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F ...."

Geordi, excited- "Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"

Picard- "Data, what does your scanners show?"

Data, studying displays- "Appearently the Borg have found the internal `Windows' module named `Solitaire', and it has used up all available CPU capacity."

Picard- "Let's wait and see how long this `Solitaire' can reduce their functionality."

. . . Two Hours Pass . . .

Riker- "Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?"

Geordi- "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more `Windows' modules from something called the `Microsoft Fun-pack'.

Picard- "How much time will that buy us?"

Data- "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours."

Geordi- "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."

Picard- "Identify."

Data- "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo..."

Over the speakers- "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY."

Data- "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid-shaped objects."

Picard- "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"

Riker- "My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight toward the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep space?!"

Data- "I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits."

Riker and Picard, together - horrified- "Lawyers!!"

Geordi- "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."

Data- "True, but appearently some must have survived."

Riker -"They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers."

Data- "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as `red tape'. It often proves fatal."

Riker- "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"

Picard- "Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the Borg doesn't deserve such a gruesome death!"



--------------------
There is nothing imposible.
IPB Image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Seven_of_zero
post Dec 12 2004, 09:50
Post #9


Hakushaku
******

Group: Chuunin
Posts: 826
Joined: 30-March 04
From: Riga




vaks irakai. Jaunakas zinas ohmy.gif

Godzilla Assisting U.S. Army in Nuclear Arms Search

According to an article in today's Ikamono Shinbun, Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi announced the deployment of Godzilla to the Persian Gulf to search for nuclear arms.

Translated from the Ikamono Shinbun:

Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi announced that Japan would deploy Godzilla to Iraq to provide assistance to U.S. troops in locating nuclear waste and possible nuclear weapons. In a public announcement outside the Tokyo Diet Building, Koizumi said, "The Japanese constitution does not allow the Self-Defense Force to deploy in the offensive assault on Iraq. As Godzilla is not a part of the recognized Self-Defense Force, he cannot be subject to our laws. We send Godzilla to the American forces as a token of good-will, and we hope that he proves useful in their search missions."
It is not clear if Japan is allowing Godzilla to go to Iraq or if Godzilla is traveling independent of the wishes of the government. Godzilla has historically not cooperated with government officials, and Tokyo has burnt down on more than one occasion due directly to a Godzilla-related incident.


--------------------
There is nothing imposible.
IPB Image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Seven_of_zero
post Dec 12 2004, 09:52
Post #10


Hakushaku
******

Group: Chuunin
Posts: 826
Joined: 30-March 04
From: Riga




Un kada pavisam nopietna zina. biggrin.gif

Heero Yui and Duo Maxwell Not Gay!

In a brief announcement today, Heero Yui's agent announced that Heero is not dating Duo Maxwell.

LONG BEACH, CA -- Heero Yui's agent, Mr. Chu, announced today, "We are sorry to inform the fans of Gundam Wing, but contrary to rumors circulating on the Internet, Mr. Yui is not dating Mr. Duo Maxwell. While he and Mr. Maxwell are indeed good friends, Mr. Yui is currently engaged to Ms. Relena Peacecraft."

Mr. Chu also announced that Trowa and Quatre are not gay either. "These fine young men have had their names slandered on the Internet long enough. It's time that everyone involved in these unsightly rumors move on to bigger and better things."

Mr. Chu refused to take questions after the press conference.

Outside, fangirls screamed "1x2! 1x2!" and "DIE RELENA!" as Mr. Chu walked to his Hachi-Roku. "Give us back our shonen-ai!" an unidentified fanfiction writer screamed, tossing Heero UFO dolls at Mr. Chu. Mr. Chu smiled and waved at the mob before quickly departing the scene.

After Mr. Chu left, many fans stayed around to discuss possible underground fanfic circles. "Just because it isn't true doesn't mean we can't dream!" a self-proclaimed 1x2 and 1x5 writer said.

Most writers, however, seem to believe that a local Flower Shop (run by five eligible bachelors) is the next big scene.


--------------------
There is nothing imposible.
IPB Image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
aya-angel
post Jan 3 2005, 23:17
Post #11


chibi tenshi
******

Group: Chuunin
Posts: 738
Joined: 4-May 04
From: Zoļiks foreva!!! :D




Ja kāds zinātu kā es izsmejos, kad pirmoreiz šito izlasiju!!!!! laugh.gif
image


--------------------
Beauty is where you do not expect it.
So open your eyes and look carefully.
image image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Ramiel
post Jan 5 2005, 18:04
Post #12


Danshaku
****

Group: Chuunin
Posts: 167
Joined: 9-September 04




ahahaaha labas veestules biggrin.gif


--------------------
Don't suffer from insanity,enjoy every minute of it...
(\_/)
(O.o) This is Bunny. Copy Bunny to your signature
(> <) to help him achieve world domination.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
SheWr
post Jan 5 2005, 20:00
Post #13


Lone Wolf
*******

Group: weirdo
Posts: 901
Joined: 17-December 04
From: Gotei 13




Mazliet rupja un laikam visiem zinaama anekdote:

Michael Jackson and the kids are flying in a plane. Suddenly the plain is starting to fall.
Pilot: Michael, we have only 2 parachutes! One for me and one for you!
Michael: But what about the kids?
Pilot: f.ck the kids!
Michael: Do we have time?

Mazliet truls jocinsh...


--------------------
image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Yume
post Jan 6 2005, 00:34
Post #14


challenger
**********

Group: Jounin
Posts: 3875
Joined: 4-March 04




Em, jā gan, plakans gan tas humoriņš.
OK, hehe, es šito bildi vienreiz uzraku DC, galīgi nejuaši. bet starā esmu par viņu vēlarvien. Doma un uzraksts ir vienreizēji.biggrin.gif
image


--------------------
IPB Image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
aya-angel
post Jan 9 2005, 11:48
Post #15


chibi tenshi
******

Group: Chuunin
Posts: 738
Joined: 4-May 04
From: Zoļiks foreva!!! :D




laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif Superīgs risinājums "problēmai"!!!!!!


--------------------
Beauty is where you do not expect it.
So open your eyes and look carefully.
image image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post

12 Pages V  1 2 3 > » 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 



Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28 March 2024 - 19:33