There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"
Full Version: Vispaar labaakie jocinji... Taa luuk!
good one ^^^here's mine:
Buy Windows98 and make your restarts faster!!!
WINDOWS -- Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
PENTIUM -- Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
IBM -- I Blame Microsoft
DOS -- Defective Operating System
BILL GATES --Became Insanely Lucrative Lunatic, Gains Assloads of Tokens Exporting Shitware
PENTIUM -- Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
IBM -- I Blame Microsoft
DOS -- Defective Operating System
BILL GATES --Became Insanely Lucrative Lunatic, Gains Assloads of Tokens Exporting Shitware
10 signs the new Mir computer is running Windows 95:
# 10 The computer keeps asking you to "Insert Setup Disk #3 to continue."
#9 There is no space left on the hard drive to store mission data.
#8 The computer refuses to interact with the Mir's "Mr. Java" coffee maker.
#7 Millions of dollars are traced to phone calls to a Redmond, WA 900#.
#6 Mir astronauts are caught stealing RAM from other satellite's computers to keep their system running.
#5 The Space Shuttle can no longer dock with Mir since "the proper driver cannot be found."
#4 The system locks up whenever the astronauts try to run life support, the solar panels and thrusters at the same time.
#3 The astronauts spend three days looking for cyrillic version of the CTRL-ALT-DEL keys.
#2 Alien ships secretly observing Mir flee in terror.
And the number one sign the new Mir computer is running Windows 95....
#1 You start receiving welcoming e-mail from the Borg.
# 10 The computer keeps asking you to "Insert Setup Disk #3 to continue."
#9 There is no space left on the hard drive to store mission data.
#8 The computer refuses to interact with the Mir's "Mr. Java" coffee maker.
#7 Millions of dollars are traced to phone calls to a Redmond, WA 900#.
#6 Mir astronauts are caught stealing RAM from other satellite's computers to keep their system running.
#5 The Space Shuttle can no longer dock with Mir since "the proper driver cannot be found."
#4 The system locks up whenever the astronauts try to run life support, the solar panels and thrusters at the same time.
#3 The astronauts spend three days looking for cyrillic version of the CTRL-ALT-DEL keys.
#2 Alien ships secretly observing Mir flee in terror.
And the number one sign the new Mir computer is running Windows 95....
#1 You start receiving welcoming e-mail from the Borg.
Par DOS runaajot, pats Microsoft (nezinu vai tieshi no Geitsa shii ideja) vinju par DOS nosauca kaa saiisinaajumu no "Dirty Operating System". Taa kaa, Microsoft jau zina, ka suudus razho, bet kaa nerazhosi, ja cilveeki par to naudu maksaa? 
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium." Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it.
Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it.
Darba apstākļi:
Spēks un daile:
Luksofori Japānā:
Fast Fix Servise:
Nothing personal, just buisiness:
Radars are everywhere:
Sis joks gan būs saprotams tiem kuri ir skatijusies Star trek.
Star Trek: Microsoft vs The Borg
(A "Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript)
Picard- "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"
Geordi- "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
Riker looks puzzled. "What the hell is `Microsoft'?"
Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called `Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."
Picard- "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
Data- "Yes, Captain. But when `Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an `upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."
Picard- "Excellent work. This is even better than that `unsolvable geometric shape' idea."
. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
Data- "Captain, we have successfully installed the `Windows' in the Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of the expected `upgrade'."
Geordi- "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity, but we still have no indication of an `upgrade' to compensate for their increase."
Picard- "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is something we have missed."
Data- "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the `upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards."
Riker- "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F ...."
Geordi, excited- "Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"
Picard- "Data, what does your scanners show?"
Data, studying displays- "Appearently the Borg have found the internal `Windows' module named `Solitaire', and it has used up all available CPU capacity."
Picard- "Let's wait and see how long this `Solitaire' can reduce their functionality."
. . . Two Hours Pass . . .
Riker- "Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?"
Geordi- "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more `Windows' modules from something called the `Microsoft Fun-pack'.
Picard- "How much time will that buy us?"
Data- "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours."
Geordi- "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
Picard- "Identify."
Data- "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo..."
Over the speakers- "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY."
Data- "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid-shaped objects."
Picard- "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"
Riker- "My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight toward the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep space?!"
Data- "I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits."
Riker and Picard, together - horrified- "Lawyers!!"
Geordi- "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
Data- "True, but appearently some must have survived."
Riker -"They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers."
Data- "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as `red tape'. It often proves fatal."
Riker- "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
Picard- "Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the Borg doesn't deserve such a gruesome death!"
Star Trek: Microsoft vs The Borg
(A "Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript)
Picard- "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"
Geordi- "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
Riker looks puzzled. "What the hell is `Microsoft'?"
Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called `Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."
Picard- "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
Data- "Yes, Captain. But when `Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an `upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."
Picard- "Excellent work. This is even better than that `unsolvable geometric shape' idea."
. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
Data- "Captain, we have successfully installed the `Windows' in the Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of the expected `upgrade'."
Geordi- "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity, but we still have no indication of an `upgrade' to compensate for their increase."
Picard- "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is something we have missed."
Data- "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the `upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards."
Riker- "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F ...."
Geordi, excited- "Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"
Picard- "Data, what does your scanners show?"
Data, studying displays- "Appearently the Borg have found the internal `Windows' module named `Solitaire', and it has used up all available CPU capacity."
Picard- "Let's wait and see how long this `Solitaire' can reduce their functionality."
. . . Two Hours Pass . . .
Riker- "Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?"
Geordi- "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more `Windows' modules from something called the `Microsoft Fun-pack'.
Picard- "How much time will that buy us?"
Data- "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours."
Geordi- "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
Picard- "Identify."
Data- "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo..."
Over the speakers- "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY."
Data- "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid-shaped objects."
Picard- "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"
Riker- "My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight toward the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep space?!"
Data- "I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits."
Riker and Picard, together - horrified- "Lawyers!!"
Geordi- "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
Data- "True, but appearently some must have survived."
Riker -"They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers."
Data- "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as `red tape'. It often proves fatal."
Riker- "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
Picard- "Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the Borg doesn't deserve such a gruesome death!"
vaks irakai. Jaunakas zinas 
Godzilla Assisting U.S. Army in Nuclear Arms Search
According to an article in today's Ikamono Shinbun, Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi announced the deployment of Godzilla to the Persian Gulf to search for nuclear arms.
Translated from the Ikamono Shinbun:
Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi announced that Japan would deploy Godzilla to Iraq to provide assistance to U.S. troops in locating nuclear waste and possible nuclear weapons. In a public announcement outside the Tokyo Diet Building, Koizumi said, "The Japanese constitution does not allow the Self-Defense Force to deploy in the offensive assault on Iraq. As Godzilla is not a part of the recognized Self-Defense Force, he cannot be subject to our laws. We send Godzilla to the American forces as a token of good-will, and we hope that he proves useful in their search missions."
It is not clear if Japan is allowing Godzilla to go to Iraq or if Godzilla is traveling independent of the wishes of the government. Godzilla has historically not cooperated with government officials, and Tokyo has burnt down on more than one occasion due directly to a Godzilla-related incident.
Godzilla Assisting U.S. Army in Nuclear Arms Search
According to an article in today's Ikamono Shinbun, Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi announced the deployment of Godzilla to the Persian Gulf to search for nuclear arms.
Translated from the Ikamono Shinbun:
Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi announced that Japan would deploy Godzilla to Iraq to provide assistance to U.S. troops in locating nuclear waste and possible nuclear weapons. In a public announcement outside the Tokyo Diet Building, Koizumi said, "The Japanese constitution does not allow the Self-Defense Force to deploy in the offensive assault on Iraq. As Godzilla is not a part of the recognized Self-Defense Force, he cannot be subject to our laws. We send Godzilla to the American forces as a token of good-will, and we hope that he proves useful in their search missions."
It is not clear if Japan is allowing Godzilla to go to Iraq or if Godzilla is traveling independent of the wishes of the government. Godzilla has historically not cooperated with government officials, and Tokyo has burnt down on more than one occasion due directly to a Godzilla-related incident.
Un kada pavisam nopietna zina. 
Heero Yui and Duo Maxwell Not Gay!
In a brief announcement today, Heero Yui's agent announced that Heero is not dating Duo Maxwell.
LONG BEACH, CA -- Heero Yui's agent, Mr. Chu, announced today, "We are sorry to inform the fans of Gundam Wing, but contrary to rumors circulating on the Internet, Mr. Yui is not dating Mr. Duo Maxwell. While he and Mr. Maxwell are indeed good friends, Mr. Yui is currently engaged to Ms. Relena Peacecraft."
Mr. Chu also announced that Trowa and Quatre are not gay either. "These fine young men have had their names slandered on the Internet long enough. It's time that everyone involved in these unsightly rumors move on to bigger and better things."
Mr. Chu refused to take questions after the press conference.
Outside, fangirls screamed "1x2! 1x2!" and "DIE RELENA!" as Mr. Chu walked to his Hachi-Roku. "Give us back our shonen-ai!" an unidentified fanfiction writer screamed, tossing Heero UFO dolls at Mr. Chu. Mr. Chu smiled and waved at the mob before quickly departing the scene.
After Mr. Chu left, many fans stayed around to discuss possible underground fanfic circles. "Just because it isn't true doesn't mean we can't dream!" a self-proclaimed 1x2 and 1x5 writer said.
Most writers, however, seem to believe that a local Flower Shop (run by five eligible bachelors) is the next big scene.
Heero Yui and Duo Maxwell Not Gay!
In a brief announcement today, Heero Yui's agent announced that Heero is not dating Duo Maxwell.
LONG BEACH, CA -- Heero Yui's agent, Mr. Chu, announced today, "We are sorry to inform the fans of Gundam Wing, but contrary to rumors circulating on the Internet, Mr. Yui is not dating Mr. Duo Maxwell. While he and Mr. Maxwell are indeed good friends, Mr. Yui is currently engaged to Ms. Relena Peacecraft."
Mr. Chu also announced that Trowa and Quatre are not gay either. "These fine young men have had their names slandered on the Internet long enough. It's time that everyone involved in these unsightly rumors move on to bigger and better things."
Mr. Chu refused to take questions after the press conference.
Outside, fangirls screamed "1x2! 1x2!" and "DIE RELENA!" as Mr. Chu walked to his Hachi-Roku. "Give us back our shonen-ai!" an unidentified fanfiction writer screamed, tossing Heero UFO dolls at Mr. Chu. Mr. Chu smiled and waved at the mob before quickly departing the scene.
After Mr. Chu left, many fans stayed around to discuss possible underground fanfic circles. "Just because it isn't true doesn't mean we can't dream!" a self-proclaimed 1x2 and 1x5 writer said.
Most writers, however, seem to believe that a local Flower Shop (run by five eligible bachelors) is the next big scene.
Ja kāds zinātu kā es izsmejos, kad pirmoreiz šito izlasiju!!!!!
ahahaaha labas veestules
Mazliet rupja un laikam visiem zinaama anekdote:
Michael Jackson and the kids are flying in a plane. Suddenly the plain is starting to fall.
Pilot: Michael, we have only 2 parachutes! One for me and one for you!
Michael: But what about the kids?
Pilot: f.ck the kids!
Michael: Do we have time?
Mazliet truls jocinsh...
Michael Jackson and the kids are flying in a plane. Suddenly the plain is starting to fall.
Pilot: Michael, we have only 2 parachutes! One for me and one for you!
Michael: But what about the kids?
Pilot: f.ck the kids!
Michael: Do we have time?
Mazliet truls jocinsh...
Em, jā gan, plakans gan tas humoriņš.
OK, hehe, es šito bildi vienreiz uzraku DC, galīgi nejuaši. bet starā esmu par viņu vēlarvien. Doma un uzraksts ir vienreizēji.
OK, hehe, es šito bildi vienreiz uzraku DC, galīgi nejuaši. bet starā esmu par viņu vēlarvien. Doma un uzraksts ir vienreizēji.
Superīgs risinājums "problēmai"!!!!!!
CURRICULUM VITAE (paraugs)
Personas dati
Edīte Kurmīte, dzimusi 1962. gada rudenī malkas šķunī
dzīvo : lielā piecistabu dzīvoklī centra rajonā
tālrunis : vecais labais 'mobīlis' sudrabota nokrāsā savienot ar Edi
tautība : pilsone un nodokļu maksātāja (godprātīga)
Izglītība
pilnīgi pietiekama, lai veiktu visas organismam nepieciešamās funkcijas.
Darba pieredze
jau no 3 gadu vecuma reklamēju bērnu zobupastas (un turpinu to darīt joprojām), vasarā kaimiņienes dārzā lasīju zemenes (bez atļaujas, tumsā, ātri...), ar skolas iniciatīvu vasaras darbos ravēju samtenes 5 kvadrārmetru platībā.
Datorprasmes
Protu ieslēgt un izslēgt datoru un tumbiņas, bez problēmām varu nomainīt datora ekrāna krāsu uz melnu. Datora 'uzkāršanās' gadījumā veiksmīgi izmantoju 3 pirkstu kombināciju 'Ctrl + Alt + Delete'. Atšķiru taustiņu 'Enter' un 'Esc' nozīmes. Man ir zināma nojausma kurā 'šķirbā' jābāž disketes un kurā - diski. Pārzinu sekojošas datorprogrammas: 'Paint' - protu uzzīmēt četrstūri {pildītu, tukšu, lielu, mazu}, SMS sender {līdz 160 zīmēm uz vienu ~mobīli~}, intelektuālās spēles "Lingo", "Karogs" un "Tetris" {version 1.0 ietvaros}.
Valodu prasmes
letiņu - dzimtā
leišu (gerai, gerai), slāvu (umri zaraza) - sarunvalodas līmenī
čīniešu (suņj huj v čai), franču (je ma pelle Ede) - ar vārdnīcas palīdzību
Autordarbi
Grafiti uz dzimtās skolas sienas, pārdesmit memuāru sējumi {katrs no tiem vismaz 2 A-0,4 formāta lapu apjomā}. Zinātniskais darbs "Gurķu konservēšana neizmantojot etiķi (un gurķus)".
Ģimenes stāvoklis
nu jau kādu laiku brīva, ņemama, griboša
Intereses:
spļetņas, baumas, kļačas
Īpašas prasmes
māku ikvienu novest līdz baltajām pelītēm, mīlu bērnus...sist...ar sūdainu mietu, ar mēli varu pieskarties kreisajai nāsij un kustināt ausis.
E. Kurmīte
2000. gada pašā sākumā
Personas dati
Edīte Kurmīte, dzimusi 1962. gada rudenī malkas šķunī
dzīvo : lielā piecistabu dzīvoklī centra rajonā
tālrunis : vecais labais 'mobīlis' sudrabota nokrāsā savienot ar Edi
tautība : pilsone un nodokļu maksātāja (godprātīga)
Izglītība
pilnīgi pietiekama, lai veiktu visas organismam nepieciešamās funkcijas.
Darba pieredze
jau no 3 gadu vecuma reklamēju bērnu zobupastas (un turpinu to darīt joprojām), vasarā kaimiņienes dārzā lasīju zemenes (bez atļaujas, tumsā, ātri...), ar skolas iniciatīvu vasaras darbos ravēju samtenes 5 kvadrārmetru platībā.
Datorprasmes
Protu ieslēgt un izslēgt datoru un tumbiņas, bez problēmām varu nomainīt datora ekrāna krāsu uz melnu. Datora 'uzkāršanās' gadījumā veiksmīgi izmantoju 3 pirkstu kombināciju 'Ctrl + Alt + Delete'. Atšķiru taustiņu 'Enter' un 'Esc' nozīmes. Man ir zināma nojausma kurā 'šķirbā' jābāž disketes un kurā - diski. Pārzinu sekojošas datorprogrammas: 'Paint' - protu uzzīmēt četrstūri {pildītu, tukšu, lielu, mazu}, SMS sender {līdz 160 zīmēm uz vienu ~mobīli~}, intelektuālās spēles "Lingo", "Karogs" un "Tetris" {version 1.0 ietvaros}.
Valodu prasmes
letiņu - dzimtā
leišu (gerai, gerai), slāvu (umri zaraza) - sarunvalodas līmenī
čīniešu (suņj huj v čai), franču (je ma pelle Ede) - ar vārdnīcas palīdzību
Autordarbi
Grafiti uz dzimtās skolas sienas, pārdesmit memuāru sējumi {katrs no tiem vismaz 2 A-0,4 formāta lapu apjomā}. Zinātniskais darbs "Gurķu konservēšana neizmantojot etiķi (un gurķus)".
Ģimenes stāvoklis
nu jau kādu laiku brīva, ņemama, griboša
Intereses:
spļetņas, baumas, kļačas
Īpašas prasmes
māku ikvienu novest līdz baltajām pelītēm, mīlu bērnus...sist...ar sūdainu mietu, ar mēli varu pieskarties kreisajai nāsij un kustināt ausis.
E. Kurmīte
2000. gada pašā sākumā
Ārprāc kā es rēcu šito lasīdama!!!!!! Pat pāris reizes nokritu no krēsla
O, jā! Sist bērnus ar sūdainu mietu. Standarta sapnis katram tīnim... 
A, vispār, smieklīgi! Iekšas raustās!
A, vispār, smieklīgi! Iekšas raustās!
Man jau tās datorprasmes un valodu prasmes patīk!!
...trīs burtu kombinācija.
L O L . XDDDDD Gandrīz vai aizrijos ar smiekliem lasot. XD
L O L . XDDDDD Gandrīz vai aizrijos ar smiekliem lasot. XD
Jā, tas bija labs gabals!!!
Valodas XD Francju >>> Zjirafeer pidirsaa mezjuur <<<
Tulk, zjirafe pie****a mezju . =]
Tulk, zjirafe pie****a mezju . =]
Ha, ha!!!!! Ko tik cilvēki neizdomā!!!!
Ko tik cilvēki neizdomā!!!!
Labs, man vislabaak patika Gurkju konserveeshana un beernu sishana ar suudainu mietu.
Ne, par to CV, nez man tas kautkā paralēli aizgaja.
Laikam tāpēc ka mans ķīmijā vēl rakstīja CV ķieģelim, Tur sanāca jautrakas lietas.
Laikam tāpēc ka mans ķīmijā vēl rakstīja CV ķieģelim, Tur sanāca jautrakas lietas.
QUOTE(Yume @ Jan 18 2005, 23:57)
Ne, par to CV, nez man tas kautkā paralēli aizgaja.
Laikam tāpēc ka mans ķīmijā vēl rakstīja CV ķieģelim, Tur sanāca jautrakas lietas.
Laikam tāpēc ka mans ķīmijā vēl rakstīja CV ķieģelim, Tur sanāca jautrakas lietas.
Tev tas vēl saglabājies??? Tu varētu to mums par prieku iepostot!
Nea, mums viņu neatdeva.
Žel, lieta bija laba. Būs kādreiz jāpasēž un jāuzraktsa vēlreiz, kad galīgi nebūs ko darīt. teiksim, braucot tramvaja.
Žel, lieta bija laba. Būs kādreiz jāpasēž un jāuzraktsa vēlreiz, kad galīgi nebūs ko darīt. teiksim, braucot tramvaja.
tā kartiņa ar vārdiem "take me to your dealer" man mājās ir. draugs no Vācijas atveda kopā ar mazu citplanētieša figūriņu. kamēr biju IRE, mājinieki viņam nolauza roku. 
Es te veel vienu atradu bildiic =] riktiigi atbilsto6a tam kas Latvijaa pirms kaada laicinja notikaas ...
Bet bildiic labs
Sorre ka tik mazs lielaaka nebija =[
Bet bildiic labs
Sorre ka tik mazs lielaaka nebija =[
Ljoti labi, ka tik mazs. Eertaak paarredzams.
Anime Drinking Game.
General Rules:
Drink once whenever there is a bath/shower scene.
Drink once every time a robot combines/transforms etc. Twice if it is accompanied by the "Synthesized Battle Music Theme".
Drink once every time a character says an English word or phrase. Finish the bottle if the word is "Darlin".
Drink once whenever you see a sign, computer readout etc. in English. Three times if it's not spelled right.
Drink once whenever a Hyperdimensional sledgehammer/16 ton weight/.44 Automag is used to subdue somebody.
Drink once if the big giant robot ends up being piloted by somebody other than the person who was supposed to fly it.
Drink once when the background goes abstract for dramatic effect. If the action repeats itself X times, drink X times.
Drink once when an unexpected wind gust blows a character's hair to make him/her look pensive.
Drink once if a character has one eye covered constantly by his or her hair.
Drink once if a major character gets to have a long speech or monologue before he or she dies.
Drink once when a (beautiful) female character is shown in a slow pan from her ankles up to her head.
Drink once when a character's eyes vibrate to show inner tension.
Drink once when you get a theme song which sounds like "Tiffany On Helium."
Drink every two minutes of an episode of "Double Zeta Gundam" (You'll NEED it)
Drink once for a magical girls transformation sequence, twice if it's Sailor Moon.
Drink once anytime a number of characters in a scene fall over rigid, drink twice if it's specifically a "Takahashi falldown"
Drink once for an in-joke from another anime or Star Trek.
Drink once at the beginning of the show, (this is also cumulative) if one of the seiyuu is Hayashibara Megumi, Tsuru Hiromi, Sakuma Rei, Hidaka Noriko, Shimamoto Sumi, Tomizawa Michie, Inoue Kikuko, Aya Hisakawa, Shimazu Saeko or Ikeda Shuhichi.
Drink once when the laws of physics are violated (depending on your knowledge of physics, this is almost the entire show for anything mecha-related)
Drink once every time animation is reused in a series.
Drink once whenever bad food is prepared by an anime girl, half if someone actually eats it.
Drink once when someone is about to say something monumental only to be interrupted by a third party.
Drink once when someone shouts out the name of the attack before attacking.
Drink once on bathing suit scenes, the whole thing if it's actually relevant to the plot.
Drink once whenever the main character has fantasy dream sequences, chug if (s)he is rudely awakened by reality.
Drink once whenever excessive and needless violence is used. (Warning: Only for drinkers with a heavy tolerance!)
Drink twice whenever someone bleeds from the mouth.
Drink twice for a nosebleed.
Drink twice every time someone makes an elaborate death speech.
Drink twice every time someone dies just as they're about to say something important.
Drink half every time a character's hair changes to some completely weird color when in dim light. (such as Rally's hair in Silent Mobius, or Miyu's to an extent, whenever she's in the Dark.)
Drink once anytime a Miyazaki flying machine appears on the screen.
Drink whenever possible (e. g. in between breaths) while watching dubs. It dulls the pain.
Designated driver rule: Drink once when the military actually does a strategically intelligent move.
Designated driver rule: Drink once if you hear song lyrics that have a direct bearing on the plot.
General Rules:
Drink once whenever there is a bath/shower scene.
Drink once every time a robot combines/transforms etc. Twice if it is accompanied by the "Synthesized Battle Music Theme".
Drink once every time a character says an English word or phrase. Finish the bottle if the word is "Darlin".
Drink once whenever you see a sign, computer readout etc. in English. Three times if it's not spelled right.
Drink once whenever a Hyperdimensional sledgehammer/16 ton weight/.44 Automag is used to subdue somebody.
Drink once if the big giant robot ends up being piloted by somebody other than the person who was supposed to fly it.
Drink once when the background goes abstract for dramatic effect. If the action repeats itself X times, drink X times.
Drink once when an unexpected wind gust blows a character's hair to make him/her look pensive.
Drink once if a character has one eye covered constantly by his or her hair.
Drink once if a major character gets to have a long speech or monologue before he or she dies.
Drink once when a (beautiful) female character is shown in a slow pan from her ankles up to her head.
Drink once when a character's eyes vibrate to show inner tension.
Drink once when you get a theme song which sounds like "Tiffany On Helium."
Drink every two minutes of an episode of "Double Zeta Gundam" (You'll NEED it)
Drink once for a magical girls transformation sequence, twice if it's Sailor Moon.
Drink once anytime a number of characters in a scene fall over rigid, drink twice if it's specifically a "Takahashi falldown"
Drink once for an in-joke from another anime or Star Trek.
Drink once at the beginning of the show, (this is also cumulative) if one of the seiyuu is Hayashibara Megumi, Tsuru Hiromi, Sakuma Rei, Hidaka Noriko, Shimamoto Sumi, Tomizawa Michie, Inoue Kikuko, Aya Hisakawa, Shimazu Saeko or Ikeda Shuhichi.
Drink once when the laws of physics are violated (depending on your knowledge of physics, this is almost the entire show for anything mecha-related)
Drink once every time animation is reused in a series.
Drink once whenever bad food is prepared by an anime girl, half if someone actually eats it.
Drink once when someone is about to say something monumental only to be interrupted by a third party.
Drink once when someone shouts out the name of the attack before attacking.
Drink once on bathing suit scenes, the whole thing if it's actually relevant to the plot.
Drink once whenever the main character has fantasy dream sequences, chug if (s)he is rudely awakened by reality.
Drink once whenever excessive and needless violence is used. (Warning: Only for drinkers with a heavy tolerance!)
Drink twice whenever someone bleeds from the mouth.
Drink twice for a nosebleed.
Drink twice every time someone makes an elaborate death speech.
Drink twice every time someone dies just as they're about to say something important.
Drink half every time a character's hair changes to some completely weird color when in dim light. (such as Rally's hair in Silent Mobius, or Miyu's to an extent, whenever she's in the Dark.)
Drink once anytime a Miyazaki flying machine appears on the screen.
Drink whenever possible (e. g. in between breaths) while watching dubs. It dulls the pain.
Designated driver rule: Drink once when the military actually does a strategically intelligent move.
Designated driver rule: Drink once if you hear song lyrics that have a direct bearing on the plot.
Japanese Error Haikus
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Web site you seek
Can not be located but
Countless more exist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Web site you seek
Can not be located but
Countless more exist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
LOL! XDDDDDDDDD
"Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.", tas man patika vislabāk. xD
"Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.", tas man patika vislabāk. xD
14 Bībeliski veidi kā atrast sievu
1. Atrodi skaistu kara gūstekni, paņem uz mājām, apgriez viņai matus un nagus un iedod jaunas drēbes. Tad viņa būs tava.
-- (5.Mozus 21:11-13)
2. Atrodi prostitūtu un appreci viņu.
-- Hozeja (Hozejas 1:1-3)
3. Atrodi kādu septiņu meitu tēvu un radi labu iespaidu par sevi, dzirdod viņa ganāmpulku.
-- Mozus (2.Mozus 2:16-21)
4. Nopērc nekustamo īpašumu un saņem sievieti piedevām.
-- Boass (Rutes 4:5-10)
5. Aizej uz tusiņu un noslēpies. Kad meitenes iet rotaļās, pagrāb vienu un aiznes.
-- Benjamīna cilts (Soģu 21:19-25)
6. Pierunā Dievu, lai viņš uzrada sievieti, kamēr tu guli. Piezīme: tas maksās vienu ribu.
-- Ādams (1.Mozus 2:19-24)
7. Salīgsti strādāt septiņus gadus bez algas, lai varētu apprecēties. Iespējams, ka tevi apkrāps, tad strādā vēl septiņus gadus.
-- Jēkabs (1.Mozus 29:15-30)
8. Nogriez 200 priekšādiņas topošā sievastēva inaidniekiem, tad dabūsi viņa meitu par sievu.
-- Dāvids (1.Samuēla 18:27)
9. Pat ja galīgi nevienas nav, vienkārši ilgāk pagaidi un tu noteikti kādu atradīsi.
-- Kains (1.Mozus 4:16-17)
10. Kļūsti par lielas valsts imperatoru un sarīko skaistuma konkursu.
-- Kserkss (Esteres 2:3-4)
11. Ja tu redzi kādu, kas tev patīk, aizej mājās un saki vecākiem: "Es gribu šo sievieti, dabūjiet viņu man". Ja vecāki šaubās par tavu izvēli, paliec pie sava: "Dabūjiet viņu man. Es viņu gribu."
-- Simsons (Soģu 13:1-3)
12. Nogalini kādu vīru un paņem viņa sievu.
-- Dāvids (2.Samuēla 11)
13. Neesi tik izvēlīgs! Aizstāj kvalitāti ar kvantitāti.
-- Sālamans (1.Ķēniņu 11:1-3)
14. Sievu?...NU NĒ!!!
-- Pāvils (1.Korintiešiem 7:32-35)
1. Atrodi skaistu kara gūstekni, paņem uz mājām, apgriez viņai matus un nagus un iedod jaunas drēbes. Tad viņa būs tava.
-- (5.Mozus 21:11-13)
2. Atrodi prostitūtu un appreci viņu.
-- Hozeja (Hozejas 1:1-3)
3. Atrodi kādu septiņu meitu tēvu un radi labu iespaidu par sevi, dzirdod viņa ganāmpulku.
-- Mozus (2.Mozus 2:16-21)
4. Nopērc nekustamo īpašumu un saņem sievieti piedevām.
-- Boass (Rutes 4:5-10)
5. Aizej uz tusiņu un noslēpies. Kad meitenes iet rotaļās, pagrāb vienu un aiznes.
-- Benjamīna cilts (Soģu 21:19-25)
6. Pierunā Dievu, lai viņš uzrada sievieti, kamēr tu guli. Piezīme: tas maksās vienu ribu.
-- Ādams (1.Mozus 2:19-24)
7. Salīgsti strādāt septiņus gadus bez algas, lai varētu apprecēties. Iespējams, ka tevi apkrāps, tad strādā vēl septiņus gadus.
-- Jēkabs (1.Mozus 29:15-30)
8. Nogriez 200 priekšādiņas topošā sievastēva inaidniekiem, tad dabūsi viņa meitu par sievu.
-- Dāvids (1.Samuēla 18:27)
9. Pat ja galīgi nevienas nav, vienkārši ilgāk pagaidi un tu noteikti kādu atradīsi.
-- Kains (1.Mozus 4:16-17)
10. Kļūsti par lielas valsts imperatoru un sarīko skaistuma konkursu.
-- Kserkss (Esteres 2:3-4)
11. Ja tu redzi kādu, kas tev patīk, aizej mājās un saki vecākiem: "Es gribu šo sievieti, dabūjiet viņu man". Ja vecāki šaubās par tavu izvēli, paliec pie sava: "Dabūjiet viņu man. Es viņu gribu."
-- Simsons (Soģu 13:1-3)
12. Nogalini kādu vīru un paņem viņa sievu.
-- Dāvids (2.Samuēla 11)
13. Neesi tik izvēlīgs! Aizstāj kvalitāti ar kvantitāti.
-- Sālamans (1.Ķēniņu 11:1-3)
14. Sievu?...NU NĒ!!!
-- Pāvils (1.Korintiešiem 7:32-35)
EuroEnglish
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's govt conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": -- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's govt conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": -- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
Hei, bērni! Ja jūsu mamma un tētis uz Ziemassvētkiem joprojām nav nopirkuši PlayStation 2, tad jūs to iegūsiet bez maksas! Vai kādreiz esat dzirdējuši par Jēzu Kristu? Lai vai kā, viņš ir dzirdējis par jums un vēlās, lai jums būtu visas feinākās rotaļlietas, kuras jums nav nopirkuši vecāki! Jēzus ir vīlies vecākos, jo tie nevēlās, lai jums būtu pašas jaunākās rotaļlietas, kuras ir pelnījuši visi bērni!
Ja neko neesi dzirdējis par Jēzu, tad zini, ka tā ir viena tāda dievība, kas dzīvo debesīs un tevi mīl tik ļoti, ka vēlās tev dāvāt bezmaksas PlayStation 2! Kā iegūt īpašumā PlayStation 2:
1. Pasaki Jēzum, ka tu ienīsti savus vecākus, un, ka tu labāk vēlētos viņu par tēti. Vēl palūdz, lai tev atlaiž tavus grēkus un apslaca tevi ar savām asinīm! (to var panākt spēlējot spēli Grand Theft Auto 3)
2. Atrodi savas mammas vai tēta kredītkarti (tukšs čeks būtu pat labāk).
3. Pazvani uz baznīcas biroju un tur tev paskaidros, kā lietot vecāku kredītkarti. Ja nevari atrast kredītkarti, tad tevi iemācīs, kā lietot tēta čekus.
Pats labums, ka klāt PlayStation 2 nāk spēle Tony Hawks Underground, kas ir modificētā variantā. Ir iespējams uzlikt Jēzus seju, un tad visi cheat kodi būs automātiski uzlikti uz God Mode. Nu un kā tad bez papildus trikiem un iespējām...
Lai kā man visu laiku negribētos to teikt, tomēr atkal ir jāatzīst tas, ka būt kristietim ir ļoti izdevīgi. Kristiešiem ir iespējams iegūt savā īpašumā jaunu mobilo telefonu! Atkal apliecinājums tam, ka būt kristietim ir izdevīgāk, nekā būt ateistam, budistam vai sātanistam, jo nevienam no šiem nav iespējas iegūt tik vērtīgas mantas bez maksas!
Lai iegūtu jaunu mobilo telefonu, viss, kas tev ir jādara, ir jāpieņem Jēzus kā personīgais glābējs līdz 2005. gada 1. janvārim un viss! Kā papildus labums, ja tev ir kas nepieciešams, ir iespēja pazvanīt Jēzum personīgi. Jāuzspiež tikai *1 un tu tiksi savienots ar Jēzu!
Ko tu vēl gaidi!? Tev nav ko zaudēt, izņemot dvēseli! Pasteidzies!
Igaunis jautā autobusa šoferim:
- Vai sis autopuss prauc uz Tallinu?
- Nē.
- Us kurieni tad vinc prauc?
- Pakaļā!
- Vai tas ir caur Tallinu?
Ja neko neesi dzirdējis par Jēzu, tad zini, ka tā ir viena tāda dievība, kas dzīvo debesīs un tevi mīl tik ļoti, ka vēlās tev dāvāt bezmaksas PlayStation 2! Kā iegūt īpašumā PlayStation 2:
1. Pasaki Jēzum, ka tu ienīsti savus vecākus, un, ka tu labāk vēlētos viņu par tēti. Vēl palūdz, lai tev atlaiž tavus grēkus un apslaca tevi ar savām asinīm! (to var panākt spēlējot spēli Grand Theft Auto 3)
2. Atrodi savas mammas vai tēta kredītkarti (tukšs čeks būtu pat labāk).
3. Pazvani uz baznīcas biroju un tur tev paskaidros, kā lietot vecāku kredītkarti. Ja nevari atrast kredītkarti, tad tevi iemācīs, kā lietot tēta čekus.
Pats labums, ka klāt PlayStation 2 nāk spēle Tony Hawks Underground, kas ir modificētā variantā. Ir iespējams uzlikt Jēzus seju, un tad visi cheat kodi būs automātiski uzlikti uz God Mode. Nu un kā tad bez papildus trikiem un iespējām...
Lai kā man visu laiku negribētos to teikt, tomēr atkal ir jāatzīst tas, ka būt kristietim ir ļoti izdevīgi. Kristiešiem ir iespējams iegūt savā īpašumā jaunu mobilo telefonu! Atkal apliecinājums tam, ka būt kristietim ir izdevīgāk, nekā būt ateistam, budistam vai sātanistam, jo nevienam no šiem nav iespējas iegūt tik vērtīgas mantas bez maksas!
Lai iegūtu jaunu mobilo telefonu, viss, kas tev ir jādara, ir jāpieņem Jēzus kā personīgais glābējs līdz 2005. gada 1. janvārim un viss! Kā papildus labums, ja tev ir kas nepieciešams, ir iespēja pazvanīt Jēzum personīgi. Jāuzspiež tikai *1 un tu tiksi savienots ar Jēzu!
Ko tu vēl gaidi!? Tev nav ko zaudēt, izņemot dvēseli! Pasteidzies!
Igaunis jautā autobusa šoferim:
- Vai sis autopuss prauc uz Tallinu?
- Nē.
- Us kurieni tad vinc prauc?
- Pakaļā!
- Vai tas ir caur Tallinu?
Kikyou ak dievs nu tas bija vienkaarshi labais, lasiju un jo taalaka tiku jo atrak lasiju un jo aatraak alasiju jo skalaak smeejos.....
P.S. mani vecaaki mani shodien nu galiigi nesaprot, ir prmdiena, riits, tuliit saakises darba diena un darba nedeela ..... .maneejais smaidiigs n msejaas visu laiku.......... ----> Otaku
P.S. mani vecaaki mani shodien nu galiigi nesaprot, ir prmdiena, riits, tuliit saakises darba diena un darba nedeela ..... .maneejais smaidiigs n msejaas visu laiku.......... ----> Otaku
Lūk, Kikyou ieraksts liek iedomāties par Orvela 1984 pieminēto Newspeak. Bloody mess.
QUOTE(Kikyou @ Jan 23 2005, 19:57)
EuroEnglish
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's govt conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": -- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's govt conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": -- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
XDDDDDDDDD
Tiiko atgriezos no pastaigas ar savu suniiti taads dziivais joks staigaa pa rajonu =]
Iet viens diivains tips pa zaljo zonu (shobriid balto) un murmina ne paaraak klusi ... "Eljektri4ka, ja eljektri4ka.... Zasulauks naakamaa pietura"
Iet viens diivains tips pa zaljo zonu (shobriid balto) un murmina ne paaraak klusi ... "Eljektri4ka, ja eljektri4ka.... Zasulauks naakamaa pietura"
Vecaas dziesmas jaunaas skanjaas 
Kaut zinot to, ka drope ir
galā, Pat students staigā tur, kur tam
tīk, Mēs nokniebsimies kanāla
malā, Mums iespers sētnieks
pohmelīgs. Kad Vasja atrubījies būs
slīpi, Mēs sadzirdēsim, kā šamais
bezd. Ne es, ne tu, neviens te nav
skaidrā, Kas viegli ielej, smagi prom
iet. Es tev stāstīšu visādas
blēņas, Par supporteri Hattrickā. Un
pasūtīšu nahuj iet sēņot, Lidot pāri
peļķei atrubonā. Vēl iemācīsimies
dirsties klusu, No āžu dīrāšanas prom
bēgt Tad aizsūtīs mūs abus uz
Straupi, Kur delīrijā varēsim
ķērkt. Jo kas korķi izšauj, Pats no
korķa krīt; Kas vienmēr dzerstās
apkārt Tur, kur pašam tīk? Kas vienu
plakstu atver un pēc tam otru ar? Ko
smagi moca pohas hei, glābjas, kas
vien var! Še tev mana plauša, Anka,
niere, sirds, Vai tas ir tas, ko
gaidi, Vai vecais labais spirts? Kas
vienu plakstu atver un pēc tam otru
ar? Ko smagi moca pohas hei, glābjas,
kas vien var! Draugi pārmetīs mums
šmigaino noti, Un teiks, ka āžus dīrā
citādāk, Bet mēs abi zinām ļoti, ak
ļoti, Ka salāpīties var atklātāk. Un
kad alū skalosim mēs rīkles, Bet augšā
spīdēs apaļš balts logs Aiz smaidiem
noslēpsim mēs pohas, Tas bija varen
izdevies joks. Kaut zinot to, ka
drope ir galā, Pat students staigā tur,
kur tam tīk, Mēs nokniebsimies kanāla
malā, Mums iespers sētnieks
pohmelīgs. Kad Vasja atrubījies būs
slīpi, Mēs sadzirdēsim, kā šamais
bezd. Ne es, ne tu, neviens te nav
skaidrā, Kas viegli ielej, smagi prom
iet. Neviens nav skaidrā Podā
vemt Uz Straupi laižam Tad atkal dzert
Kaut zinot to, ka drope ir
galā, Pat students staigā tur, kur tam
tīk, Mēs nokniebsimies kanāla
malā, Mums iespers sētnieks
pohmelīgs. Kad Vasja atrubījies būs
slīpi, Mēs sadzirdēsim, kā šamais
bezd. Ne es, ne tu, neviens te nav
skaidrā, Kas viegli ielej, smagi prom
iet. Es tev stāstīšu visādas
blēņas, Par supporteri Hattrickā. Un
pasūtīšu nahuj iet sēņot, Lidot pāri
peļķei atrubonā. Vēl iemācīsimies
dirsties klusu, No āžu dīrāšanas prom
bēgt Tad aizsūtīs mūs abus uz
Straupi, Kur delīrijā varēsim
ķērkt. Jo kas korķi izšauj, Pats no
korķa krīt; Kas vienmēr dzerstās
apkārt Tur, kur pašam tīk? Kas vienu
plakstu atver un pēc tam otru ar? Ko
smagi moca pohas hei, glābjas, kas
vien var! Še tev mana plauša, Anka,
niere, sirds, Vai tas ir tas, ko
gaidi, Vai vecais labais spirts? Kas
vienu plakstu atver un pēc tam otru
ar? Ko smagi moca pohas hei, glābjas,
kas vien var! Draugi pārmetīs mums
šmigaino noti, Un teiks, ka āžus dīrā
citādāk, Bet mēs abi zinām ļoti, ak
ļoti, Ka salāpīties var atklātāk. Un
kad alū skalosim mēs rīkles, Bet augšā
spīdēs apaļš balts logs Aiz smaidiem
noslēpsim mēs pohas, Tas bija varen
izdevies joks. Kaut zinot to, ka
drope ir galā, Pat students staigā tur,
kur tam tīk, Mēs nokniebsimies kanāla
malā, Mums iespers sētnieks
pohmelīgs. Kad Vasja atrubījies būs
slīpi, Mēs sadzirdēsim, kā šamais
bezd. Ne es, ne tu, neviens te nav
skaidrā, Kas viegli ielej, smagi prom
iet. Neviens nav skaidrā Podā
vemt Uz Straupi laižam Tad atkal dzert
Kā tik dzīvē nenotiek!!!!.
Viens pāris vidējā vecumā no Dienvidu
Karolinas, ASV, ziemas vidū noilgojies
pēc siltuma nolēma aizbraukt uz Floridu
un apmesties tajā viesnīcā, kurā viņi
bija pavadījuši laulības nakti pirms 20
gadiem. Vīrs devās uz turieni dienu
agrāk. Viesnīcas numurā viņš
ieraudzīja datoru un izlēma izsūtīt
emailu sievai. Diemžēl viņš kļūdījās
vienā burtā. Emails tika izsūtīts
atraitnei no Hjustonas, kura tikko bija
atgriezusies no bērēm un gribēja
pārbaudīt, vai elektroniskajā
pastkastītē nav gadījumā kādu
līdzjūtības vēstuļu no radiniekiem un
draugiem. Atraitnes dēls atrada viņu
bezsamaņā pie datora un izlasīja
sekojošo uz ekrāna: Kam: Mana mīļā
sieva Temats: Esmu jau uz vietas.
Zinu, ka esi pārsteigta saņemot ziņu no
manis. Tagad šeit ir pieejami datori
un ir atļauts sūtīt emailus tuviniekiem.
Tikko esmu norezervējis vietu.
Viss jau ir sagatavots uz Tavu rītdienas
ierašanos. Priecājos par mūsu
tikšanos. Ceru, ka Tavs ceļojums būs
tikpat bez problemātisks, kā manējais.
P.S.: Šeit zemāk ir tiešām ļoti
karsti. Sirsnīgi sveicieni.
Viens pāris vidējā vecumā no Dienvidu
Karolinas, ASV, ziemas vidū noilgojies
pēc siltuma nolēma aizbraukt uz Floridu
un apmesties tajā viesnīcā, kurā viņi
bija pavadījuši laulības nakti pirms 20
gadiem. Vīrs devās uz turieni dienu
agrāk. Viesnīcas numurā viņš
ieraudzīja datoru un izlēma izsūtīt
emailu sievai. Diemžēl viņš kļūdījās
vienā burtā. Emails tika izsūtīts
atraitnei no Hjustonas, kura tikko bija
atgriezusies no bērēm un gribēja
pārbaudīt, vai elektroniskajā
pastkastītē nav gadījumā kādu
līdzjūtības vēstuļu no radiniekiem un
draugiem. Atraitnes dēls atrada viņu
bezsamaņā pie datora un izlasīja
sekojošo uz ekrāna: Kam: Mana mīļā
sieva Temats: Esmu jau uz vietas.
Zinu, ka esi pārsteigta saņemot ziņu no
manis. Tagad šeit ir pieejami datori
un ir atļauts sūtīt emailus tuviniekiem.
Tikko esmu norezervējis vietu.
Viss jau ir sagatavots uz Tavu rītdienas
ierašanos. Priecājos par mūsu
tikšanos. Ceru, ka Tavs ceļojums būs
tikpat bez problemātisks, kā manējais.
P.S.: Šeit zemāk ir tiešām ļoti
karsti. Sirsnīgi sveicieni.
Dieva deelj neveriet valjaa =]]]] Padoms: Un spiediet ok kameer lapa aizveras =]
http://www.multene.lv/wiskas.php?c=n
http://www.multene.lv/wiskas.php?c=n
QUOTE(Ella @ Feb 7 2005, 00:25)
Kam: Mana mīļā
sieva Temats: Esmu jau uz vietas.
Zinu, ka esi pārsteigta saņemot ziņu no
manis. Tagad šeit ir pieejami datori
un ir atļauts sūtīt emailus tuviniekiem.
Tikko esmu norezervējis vietu.
Viss jau ir sagatavots uz Tavu rītdienas
ierašanos. Priecājos par mūsu
tikšanos. Ceru, ka Tavs ceļojums būs
tikpat bez problemātisks, kā manējais.
P.S.: Šeit zemāk ir tiešām ļoti
karsti. Sirsnīgi sveicieni.
sieva Temats: Esmu jau uz vietas.
Zinu, ka esi pārsteigta saņemot ziņu no
manis. Tagad šeit ir pieejami datori
un ir atļauts sūtīt emailus tuviniekiem.
Tikko esmu norezervējis vietu.
Viss jau ir sagatavots uz Tavu rītdienas
ierašanos. Priecājos par mūsu
tikšanos. Ceru, ka Tavs ceļojums būs
tikpat bez problemātisks, kā manējais.
P.S.: Šeit zemāk ir tiešām ļoti
karsti. Sirsnīgi sveicieni.
!!!! Šitais labais bija =DDD
Jaunais mācītājs gatavojas novadīt savu pirmo mesi, un ir ļoti uztraucies.
Viņam klāt pienāk kāds jau ilgāk strādājoš mācītājs un saka,
"aizej uz pagrabu un izdzer glāzīti svētā vīna drosmei"
Pēc mesas Vecais mācītājs pienāk jaunajam klāt un saka,
"Viss jau tā kā būtu ok tikai tu pieļāvi 3 mazas un 3 lielas kļūdas"
"Pirmā kļūda bij tā kad es teicu drosmei izdzert glāzi vīna nevis sešas pudeles. Otrā kļūda: no altāra ir lēnām jānokāpj nevis kliedzot jānolec lejā un trešā kļūda bij tā ka svētāmais trauks ir jāvēcina lēnām uz priekšu un atpakaļ nevis izkliedzot kaujas saucienus jāvicina virs galvas"
Jaunais mācītājs pavisam bāls jautā kādas tad bijušas tās lielās ķūdas?
Pirmā lielā klūda bij tā ka māti jau ir jāpiemin tikai tai vajadzetu būt dieva mātei, otrā: Jēzu Kristu sita krustā nevis Piepisa pie staba, un trešā ķūda, mesas beigās jāsaka Āmen nevis Pizdjec.
Viņam klāt pienāk kāds jau ilgāk strādājoš mācītājs un saka,
"aizej uz pagrabu un izdzer glāzīti svētā vīna drosmei"
Pēc mesas Vecais mācītājs pienāk jaunajam klāt un saka,
"Viss jau tā kā būtu ok tikai tu pieļāvi 3 mazas un 3 lielas kļūdas"
"Pirmā kļūda bij tā kad es teicu drosmei izdzert glāzi vīna nevis sešas pudeles. Otrā kļūda: no altāra ir lēnām jānokāpj nevis kliedzot jānolec lejā un trešā kļūda bij tā ka svētāmais trauks ir jāvēcina lēnām uz priekšu un atpakaļ nevis izkliedzot kaujas saucienus jāvicina virs galvas"
Jaunais mācītājs pavisam bāls jautā kādas tad bijušas tās lielās ķūdas?
Pirmā lielā klūda bij tā ka māti jau ir jāpiemin tikai tai vajadzetu būt dieva mātei, otrā: Jēzu Kristu sita krustā nevis Piepisa pie staba, un trešā ķūda, mesas beigās jāsaka Āmen nevis Pizdjec.
OK, tad mans arī kautko piemetīs pilnai laimei.
Kolosāla vārdu spēle. Starp citu, visi vārdi ir reāli. Vienīgais labāks skan kad to kāds lasa, nevis kad pats lasies.
Hu's new leader of China
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
Kolosāla vārdu spēle. Starp citu, visi vārdi ir reāli. Vienīgais labāks skan kad to kāds lasa, nevis kad pats lasies.
Hu's new leader of China
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
Es arii maaku vaardu speeles!
Tiem, kas nezin shitaas, lasiit skalji un aatri 20 reizes peec kaartas:
Tupi peles alinjaa!
Un arii shito:
Tautu meita kurpi sies!
Skleroze... neatceros vairaak
Tiem, kas nezin shitaas, lasiit skalji un aatri 20 reizes peec kaartas:
Tupi peles alinjaa!
Un arii shito:
Tautu meita kurpi sies!
Skleroze... neatceros vairaak
ja nemaldos tad bija
zaldaats redz ka gjeneraals naak
sit papeezhus skopaa
sit papeezhus, sit papeezhus
sit papeezhus kopaa
podaa miiza, podaa miza
podaa beerza miza
kurpi siesi, kurpi siesi
tu veel kurpi siesi
zaldaats redz ka gjeneraals naak
sit papeezhus skopaa
sit papeezhus, sit papeezhus
sit papeezhus kopaa
podaa miiza, podaa miza
podaa beerza miza
kurpi siesi, kurpi siesi
tu veel kurpi siesi
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